By Danielle Akia Acaylar
Selflessness might be a good thing to the naked eye, but is it truly?
I’ve always come down to an understanding that if I prioritized others before myself, I’m doing the right thing. This mindset haunted me all my life to the point where I’ve mistaken people-pleasing as my personal form of kindness.
You want me to take that course because it’s practical? Alright, I’ll enroll in that program. You need a shoulder to cry on? Tell me where you are, I’ll drop everything and listen. You want me to pay for something? Here, take my money.
Instead of merely appreciating the art of altruism, I’ve made it a lifestyle. Whether I benefit from it or not, I’ve filled their cups to the brim even if it meant mine to be empty. Setting aside what I feel and what I want for the sake of others became a parasite that sucked out all the self-worth I had left for myself. This endless battle I fought all my life persisted, and though I’ve already bled so much, it was never enough for me to realize how empty I actually was.
Seeking validation in any way possible made me realize that I’ve gradually lost value in myself. I started seeing my inability to say no as a free pass for people to take advantage of me as much as they can.
Was this really altruism? Or am I just people-pleasing?
The lack of reciprocity got to me as I grew older, but there are things that you can no longer unlearn. I’ve set my boundaries and held my guards up as much as I can, but no matter how much I try to dismiss the expectations of others, I still can’t do it.
There’s nothing wrong with being selfless and kind, but it is also important to remember that there is rightness in putting yourself first.
At the end of the day, all that matters is you. You should be able to take control of your life in a way that is not based on the standards or expectations of others. You are free to feel, decide, and think on your own terms. You have the right to say no.
Romanticizing altruism, even though you are downright being taken advantage of, will only bite you back. Cut yourself some slack, you are not God. Do not allow others to empty your cup just so they can be pleased. Give your kindness to those who deserve it. Your world does not revolve around the people you surround yourself with.
In simpler terms, don’t be like me.
