By Danielle Bonior and Tatiana Onofre
Welcome to Silliman University, where distinguishing between red and green isn’t just a skill, rather, it’s a necessity. Some say it’s a matter of life and death, or at least that’s the general consensus. Here’s a simple guide to help Sillimanians (and those who wish to pursue a Sillimanian) avoid any mix-ups.
Red Flags
- “Nice Guys”
At some point in every girl’s life, there is a canon event that, regardless of her life’s trajectory, will inevitably occur: being serenaded by a guy with a guitar.
In all horror of it, perfectly exhibited by the Barbie movie, my colleagues and I have denoted that this guy is most definitely a Psychology major—you would have wished to have been a part of the publication with the field day we had continuously and collectively assembling this guy through our discussion. You might stumble upon them during social events, “the nice guy,” the role they love to play.
If you are familiar with an unmistakable person who checks out all these boxes please be vigilant and interact with them in future settings with precaution and insight.
- A) He plays the guitar in an attempt to impress any woman within a 5m radius. B) His performances are exclusive only to Wonderwall or Riptide. C) Thinks that Riptide is a song about romance. D) Is a fan of Taylor Swift but will never admit it publicly due to fragile masculinity.
- The Finance Bros and The Engineering Bros, Any Bro in General
At least one out of two girls have unfortunately encountered this specimen, the ones who play basketball, has around 1,000 followers on Instagram, Bible verses on his bio but is literally the epitome of a prick on legs.
His confidence overflows through chat but when it comes to the real-deal, face-to-face, he can’t even look you in the eyes. He apparently is “lowkey,” yet his social media accounts say otherwise. He has a roster and is proud of it. Gymrats that do thirst traps with Drake lyrics talking about “making it big”, “keeping it real.” but let’s actually be for real…
As mommy’s boy, he will compare you to any prominent feminine figure in his life. Probably has the Atomic Habits and 48 Laws of Power simply existing on his desk–not past 10 pages. He will manipulate you even when they sound stupid, to them they sound almost magnificent. If you’re mad about this then it means you resonate with what I’m saying.
- Podcast People and Overachievers who Don’t Achieve
It’s okay to be delusional sometimes, especially when it fuels your drive to be productive and committed to your craft but there are just some people who, for whatever reason, take this delusion and run through hoops like it’s the Olympic Circus (this does not exist by the way)—unapologetically delulu, not in the cute, type of ambitious way, but in the you-make-my-ears-bleed way.
Special shout-out to the Mass Communication students who can’t (maybe refuse to) communicate.
Podcast People. They walk among us, perpetually armed with unsolicited opinions, an obnoxiously overblown sense of self-worth, and an uncanny ability to make every engagement feel like a social experiment gone wrong. You’ll spot them in their natural habitats: Twitter threads by themselves, and debates where they’re the only ones allowed to talk because any other opinion aside from theirs is not a valid opinion.
You might even spot them in one of their many guises, “the misunderstood genius”. Genius can be replaced by lover, son, or whatever fits what they’re fooling you for.
- Guy In A Relationship that Hangs Out Near The Nursing Building Way Too Much
To, perhaps, borrow wisdom from the ultimate fictional divorcée, Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz: If I had a penny for every time someone I know got cheated on or experienced some “relationship overlapping” with a Nursing student, I’d have three pennies. Which isn’t a lot—but it’s weird that it happened thrice.
After further discussion with my fellow Weekly Sillimanian feature writers, our collective count would be about 12 pennies—not enough to buy anything of value, but perhaps just enough coins to pelt at your cheating situationship and actually make it hurt.
Not saying all Nursing students are kabits (please, don’t cancel us), but maybe there’s some merit in recruiting a few eagle-eyed friends to patrol the building, just to scope out any “suspicious activity” from your newly acquired beau.
At that point, it might be best to take your “baby” out of the talking stage and relegate them to the status of, well, really just talking.
- A True Red
Listen, I’m a true red, and honestly, there’s merit to this take.
When our fellow feature writer suggested that the ultimate red flag in a Sillimanian is that they’re a true red, my first instinct was to recoil in horror and mount a passionate defense. But after some deep reflection— “I made a severe and continuous lapse in my judgment, and I don’t expect to be forgiven. I’m simply here to apologize.”
Your semi-typical bourgeoisie, the “I’m not rich, we’re just upper middle class,” or alternatively, “I’m not rich, my parents are.” They’re wealthy, they’re active in orgs, and they’re “nice”—at least, you think so.
Not to be controversial, but aside from the faculty and staff kids coasting on free tuition, there’s a hyper-specific demographic that can afford to send their child to a private school from Early Childhood to College (or even Post-Grad). And let’s be real—that often comes with certain personality traits that rhyme with schrivileged and schnobby, with just a hint of holier-than-thou energy. The type that dangles niceties over you like a carrot on a stick, knowing it comes with strings (i.e., I do this for you, if only you prove yourself useful to me).
And if you’re thinking, “Well, at least they’ll spoil me,” let me stop you right there. Be so very honest with yourself—just because they’re rich doesn’t mean you’re worth more than the bi-monthly MOA tickets they’d rather spend it on.
Green Flags
Alright, we’ve dragged enough people through the mud—time to give credit where it’s due. Green flags exist, rare as they may seem, like a decent WiFi connection in Katipunan Hall. If you find one, don’t question it. Just sit back, hold tight, enjoy the ride, and never let go.
- The Actual Nice Guys
Your class is at AK but theirs is at AH. That doesn’t matter, they’re walking you. They greet not only you on the way, but the teachers, janitors, guards, and even the school pets. They presumably smell like laundry detergent, baby cologne, or whatever clean smells like. They show up at your organization events to show their relentless support for you, maybe even do more work than some actual members.
Will never fail to not save you a seat, implies the sidewalk rule like a pro–while slowly maneuvering you to discreetly grab your bag to carry it for you. The famous and tangible, “text me when you get home” guys who might even consider double texting to ensure security.
To efficiently find these ones takes time and even more time making sure they are actually nice guys, but I purposely bump into them to see if they apologize profusely even if it’s not their fault, bingo!
- Cute Dorks, Geeks, and “Losers” who Seem Like They Were Raised Well
They mind their own business. They study, make plans for the future, and, most importantly, do not engage in things that would sabotage them. They’re literally too busy perfecting their craft. May it be in sports, music, gaming, or some niche academic interest—to be lurking in uneventful drama or pulling unnecessary stunts. Their biggest issue is figuring out how to make you happy.
They won’t be the ones to approach first—not because they don’t like you, but because they genuinely have no idea how to. But once you make the first move, you unlock an absurd magnitude of loyalty. They will learn. They will adapt. They might not always know what to do, but they’ll want to get it right. And honestly? That’s kind of endearing, I respect that determination.
Their idea of flirtation? Dorking out about their favorite thing in the cutest way possible. Whether it’s explaining an obscure game mechanic, getting excited about their workout progress, or sending you random fun facts they think you’ll like. You can tell it’s all pure, wholesome devotion. You just have to train them a little (patience is key), and in return, you get someone who will literally adore you forever.
III. True Red
Loyal will they be to Silliman, loyal will they be to you!
Yes, this is back. Dating a true red is a bit of a coin flip. On one hand, a “wolf-in-sheep’s clothing” bourgeois. On the other hand, there are the humble ones—the one that’s agnostic or religious (from that S.U. Christian education) but open-minded, the type that’s active in humanitarian orgs, and/or the type that guides you through your firsts in an institution that they know like the back of their hand.
True reds are completely and utterly loyal to an academic institution that has both served and disserviced them in the more than a decade they’ve been here. They’ve withstood it all—registration chaos, tuition hikes, intramural bardagulan—and yet, they remain. They’re withstanding, so to say, and quite lowkey about it.
They’re patient. They’ve seen everything there is to see about Silliman, and at this point, it’s getting repetitive—but they’re still here, aren’t they? Bore them with tales of your day, and they’ll be right there with you, nodding along and adding their own grievances to the mix.
They will drag Silliman through the mud at every given opportunity, but the second an outsider so much as breathes disrespect? Perish the thought. Sa imo pa lang (You especially), true reds will fight for you—even when you’re in the wrong, and even when you really shouldn’t be defended.
Are true reds red flags? Yes. But they’re loyal. And, let’s be real, you’re a Silliman red too.
- PFP From 2016 & Less Than 100 Followers
Bonus points if their account is locked! The only way to piece together their existence is by scrolling through their mom and dad’s Facebook posts—bless the oversharing relatives.
There’s something about a guy/girly with a private and sparse social media presence. Either they’re hiding some dark secret (questionable, but intriguing), or they simply touch grass. They’re either traveling, working out, hyperfixating on some niche passion project, or just generally minding their own business.
They don’t have the energy to maintain an online persona, let alone entertain the algorithm, which means they also don’t have the time to be in everyone’s likes and comments. No reposting cryptic heartbreak quotes, no “lowkey” thirst traps, no embarrassing X threads about their “situationship.” Just silence. Peace. Stability.
A rare find, one where you’ve actually got a shot.
- Reads the Weekly SIllimanian
Not to pander, but we are.
If they read the Weekly Sillimanian, they’re either intellectually curious, unhealthily invested in campus drama, or both—either way, that’s character development. They keep up with current events, know which orgs are beefing, and have likely formed strong (and possibly unwarranted) opinions on student government politics.
This is an automatic green flag, unless, of course, they’re only reading it to check if they got “roasted.”
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At the end of the day, flags are just flags—it’s how you read them that matters. And if you still find yourself squinting at a walking red flag, convincing yourself it’s actually a soft shade of green… maybe it’s time to get your eyes checked at SUMC.
